I'm so frustrated with my small situation I'm stuck in right now. I'm running on windows 2000 and pretty much everything Ive got for Christmas requires an OS that isn't old as piss.. To me, updating my entire computer sounds like a huge risky commitment. I need to do it though. Aye Corrumba. I just want to be able to hook up a printer and get some stuff to make stencils. Its not a tall order by any means!

I just got a gym membership which I'm pretty excited about. Exercise is great.. But, working out just isn't as therapeutic for me as it used to be in high school. You could definitely see that as good or bad in certain ways. I'm allowed to settle in the gray area from time to time. Ive just leaned towards things more..can i say.. emotionally stimulating? (that looks dumb typed out. ill roll my eyes at it later) Just seemingly insignificant stuff like; making patches, watching movies, learning something new, and even staring through my computer screen when music is playing, has never gotten me so excited as it has been lately. It's an awesome feeling. I want to share it with someone. Or at least try to get them on muh level.

Talked with a good friend of mine, last night, who I rarely get to see. We always seem to feed off of each others stories, outlooks, and overall attitude, any time we talk. Even in a passing conversation with this guy I feel like I learn something about him and myself alike. Last night proved that affect was still in motion.


Ive strayed away from this printer bullshit long enough. I need to figure it out. I need put in a movie instead of getting distracted by the interwebz.


Unwed Sailor- Faithful Anchor

On my drive home today I did a mini reflection of my year. The words I can use to describe it are limitless but for the sake of what I'm thinking about, Ill choose 'driving'. One full Euro tour, two full U.S. tours, consistent drives to Detroit each week, and even and handful of Grand Rapids trips to top it off. Plenty of time on the road. Depending on who you ask, spending majority of your year in a car can easily be mistaken for a waste. Well waste or not, Ive fell in love with all of it. The hours of driving, gas stations, being able to listen to a record front to back, and just having enough time to sort your thoughts.

This time last year, I was getting everything sorted to leave the country.. I wish I had anything going on that I could remotely look forward to like that. I'm hoping I can make my way back up this tour ladder. Being home doesn't cut it for me if that's the only place I'll be.

I'm fine with being a loser. I just wish it was out there.

Not trying to get too dark here.. but isn't life just a filler until we die? That's what Ive had in my head all day long. I'm afraid something like school debt or some bullshit 9 to 5 is going to consume it and next thing I know.. I'm tired and this is all over analyzed anxiety but that's what I have this online journal for anyways. right? All I want when I'm old is to sit and be able to indulge someone with all Ill have to say about what Ive done and what Ive learned. Talking about Delta college or being a manager at Old Navy will only bore the both of us. I feel like even the slightest degree of this thought process tends to make people nervous. Its fine.. it makes me nervous too.

I miss having a conversation. Which is why I'm typing one out to myself. ha. The number of people who care what I have to say seems to decrease over time. Meh..

I really am happy! For the most part anyway. Shits not supposed to go your way.. and I think I'm fine with that. I'm going to do something of worth this next year. It probably wont be conventional. Probably wont look good on paper. Probably wont put money in my bank. But I'll definitely remember it.. that's what makes it so exciting.

In response to a seperate post..bololololo

Morrissey- You are the Quarry

I need to find better ways to keep my mind preoccupied. My life gets sadder and sadder with every click around the interwebz. This also leads me to picking up the phone.. which is genuinely the last thing I want to do but next thing I know.. shit is already sent.

Not to start citing bands, but my life really is like a bad movie. I'm not going to say its sad or tragic by any mean. I'm not THAT dramatic of a person. But its late and that means its prime time for an half hearted vent..
I mean bad movie in the sense where the story is just all together poorly written. The title makes little sense. Things are left out of the story and the filler scenes are just slow and obnoxious. The actors/actresses all have potential, but are pigeon holed into some unjust role where there is little room to grow. The end leaves alot of open ended, unanswered questions, but the sequal is the last thing on my list of films to see. Roll Credits.

But hey, the soundtrack is exceptional. XD


Laura Stevenson & the Cans- A Record



Courtesy of Ryan Felton.

Oh no.. so I'm sitting at Josh's and I see his dormant ps2. 'Let me borrow that!'.. Its been a while since Ive been committed to any sort of video game or even television show for that matter. I'm afraid as soon as this blog is finished and I start re-playing Final Fantasy X (no blame for judging), its gonna be all over. I need to keep an open head and open schedule for other real things in my life or else Im wheat toast(need to watch simple carbs).

I cant stand weird moods. Its such a waste of time, but there's very little you can really do about it for the most part. For being a self proclaimed 'care free' person, I can really get tangled up in whats going through other peoples heads. Nothing good comes of it and I just slip deeper into a weird mood. Ive been trying to talk my way around it all day. My one phone buddy is a-wall doing things with her life and its sort of leaving a slight void in my day.. With the most light-hearted dose of weirdness; I think it may have been the cause to my mood being out of equilibrium. You're the only one who openly reads this stinkin' blog so I'm sure you'll be forced to hear me talk about it at some point soon. Right?

I'm ready for winter to be over. Nothing comes of it but cold weather and cold feelings. Not including stocking stuffers. Off to RPG myself into a coma.


Cursed- One

Im home..

..Only from Lansing, but it feels like Ive been gone forever! Fun does the recording trip little justice but Ill use it for modesty's sake. Im in love with making new friends, stepping up from acquaintance status with some, and just being slap happy with the old friends. I feel that most can be on my level with that. So many walls were broken down ranging from personal relationships to our punk rock. The jams turned out great, but still a ton of work to do. Looking forward to every part of it.

While we were there, we went to the bar. Now, don't get me wrong.. I'm in a good mood so read this with more of a curious tone than a critical one.

I just don't really get it. All week long you just work and work til its the weekend. You spend an hour getting ready, putting on your best outfit, to go to some place wear you get beer spilled on you and the smell of smoke fused with your clothes. Maybe, if you're lucky, some guy will look at someone the wrong way and a fight breaks out where everyone can stampede over your girlfriend to go watch it. Youll spend an absurd amount of money getting hammered so you can try and dance on some sleezy chick.. but she is just there to dance with her "girlfriends". (please dont mistake that for a personal experience). Guys come up to you in there unbuttoned pastel shirts and play ANY game they find suitable to get you home. This could potentially ruin your fun when all you want to do is hangout with your gf's. I guess you can dance? You wake up the next day feeling like garbage and consider it a good night. Then the cycle starts over.

Maybe that's ok, and I just don't understand it fully. I have plenty of friends who hit the bar but it just seems like if I try and show some interest as to why they would look at me like I'm clueless. I'm the minority. Someone.. anyone for the most part.. can approach me and ask about my lifestyle and Id be able to explain it in full. No one can seem to give me a reason to this kinda stuff.

I probably shouldnt worry about it but sometimes I get a little bored. Are they just bored with life? Should I give it a whirl? Of course not..

Ok. I owe someone a phonecall.

Listening to the new jams but Ill share it later.

No Control is recording in East Lansing this weekend! Live drums for once in my stinkin life. Im super excited but all shades of nervous. Ive been dying to record live drums for forever now. Since the PI! I guess. hehe.

Ive done nothing but search for plane tickets, fold clothes, search for more tickets, today. Slightly exhausting. Tomorrow, I get to help my father paint a living room while watching Malcom in the Middle. Fun stuff if you know me or my father.

I need to get back to making patches. Christmas is coming soon!! OO OO OO OO

Watching

Over the course of a couple days, Ive watched some considerably heavy flicks. One being 'Dangerous lives of altar boys' and the other being the new release 'Funny People'. I was completely wrapped up in both to a point where I had to tell myself to chill out. Is it a whole new level in my nerd metamorphoses where Im just completely moved by movies? I guess Hollywood is doing its job, right? Recommend both flicks.

I wish I had better structure when it came to song writing. Shit, better structure when it comes to everything in my life while were at it. Probably like one out of every six songs ill be satisfied enough to share with Danny. I blame Synt for my linear song writing. Well, I guess PI! wasnt very verse chorus at all now that i think about it. Picking up the esteban to write skate thrash after this post.

There are a few people in my picture that are a little down on life. I need to take focus off of sleeping in as well as random internet bullshit and direct towards these people. They listen to, and alleviate enough of my small problems where I want to start giving them more.

So much driving in my future months. My poor van is going to off itself. Lets hope it does it in my driveway.


Tegan and Sara- Sainthood